I Am The Candy
by Aiatalay
Summary: September 12th, 2009. Watched Fight Club for the first time around now. Wrote fic based off the poems in it, though instead of bodily organs I chose candy. House, MD candy.


**091209**

**TITLE:** I am the Candy  
**PAIRING: **House Wilson _implied_? It's right there, at the beginning.

**RATING:** PG13 for one swear.  
**WARNING: **Sweetness. Extreme, fluffy, sweetness  
**SUMMARY: **THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF: I get a craving for lollipops and I can't have one. :( In other words, I give them to House and Wilson! (and everyone else)

I am House's red lollipop.

I taste like sour red cherry flavor. Without me, House would have to take an extra Vicodin every day. I wouldn't be there to wash away the bitter taste of the coating on House's pills, or have Wilson stare at me in the wet heat of House's mouth.

I am Wilson's Jolly Rancher.

I taste like apples. Wilson likes to suck on me right after a consult, especially if the outlook is good for the patient. Without me, the air wouldn't fill with my stick perfume and House would have to find some other way of finding out the outlook of Wilson's latest cancer kiddie.

I am Chase's Blow-Pop.

Today, I am blueberry flavor. Chase likes me after he and the rest of the team have solved a case, and he likes to savor the gum after all the blueberry is gone knowing that another person has walked out the front door rather than the back.

I am Brenda's organic orange pop.

I taste like shit vitamin C chewables. Brenda got me at the bank because the teller was handling three people at once and confused her with someone who has a kid. Brenda is eating me anyway because House is trapped in exam room one staring at me because he doesn't have a red lollipop yet. He gets one after he's done with the girl in there covered in bee stings.

I am Marco's Juicy Drop Pop.

Marco likes to mix and match me with various kinds of juice, today it's the green juice with the purple pop. He likes me when Debbie from accounting comes to the clinic to talk with Brenda about their finances, so that they can get the clinic's budget in on time. I secretly think he's hoping that she'll notice him, but I also think that it'll never happen.

I am Kutner's Pop Rocks.

Kutner says I don't really taste like anything unless he puts me on a cookie. Honestly, I think that's a weird food combo, but he eats me when he's particularly clever or feeling down. Whatever pops his rock, I guess...

I am Cuddy's Rock Candy On A Stick.

My flavor matches whatever she's wearing today, which in this case is that screaming yellow shirt. Therefore, lemon. She eats me when she's managed to go a whole hour without receiving a complaint on House. I think it's funny that she considers it an achievement, but hey, it doesn't happen that often so I guess she deserves a break.

I am Thirteen's ToostieRoll Pop.

This time, I am brown "chocolate" flavor. Thirteen likes to entertain herself with the age old "How many licks" question while she watches TV after work. I think it's funny that she takes an almost childlike delight in seeing how long it takes, but it's just creepy that she charts, graphs, and makes a table, scatter plot, box and whisker plot, histogram, and whatever else she can think of with the data.

I am Cameron's Butterscotch candy stick.

I taste like butterscotch. Cameron likes me because I make _her_ taste like butterscotch, which Chase likes. Cameron also likes me because I make her smell like butterscotch. This is especially important when she breaks a tiny piece off of me just before another ambulance of patients shows up. Time to go to work! 

I am Amber's Nuclear WarHeads.

I'm really sour. Amber eats like ten of me at a time, just to prove she can. I honestly think that anyone who shoves ten Nuclear WarHeads in their mouth has a distinct lack of taste buds, or a death wish.

I am Debbie's LemonHead.

I taste like a lemon injected with some sort of sugar/acid substance. Debbie likes this, so sometimes she sucks on me while she goes over House's expense records. God, she is annoying when she hums Britney Spears music.

I am Foreman's RedHots.

I taste like cinnamon. I come in easy little red capsules, and he can just stick a bag of me in his pocket. I can tell his mood by how he eats me- happy, and he'll do a tiny nip and swallow. Sad, and he'll just swallow, barely taking in the burn of my cinnamon. Angry, and he'll grind on me. Annoyed, embarrassed, or thinking, and he'll idly suck on me. It's almost like I'm an addicting drug for him.

I am Scooter's Smarties.

I taste like dust and sugar. But I fit right in his pocket so he doesn't really mind. He likes to eat me right before his afternoon nap, maybe with a cup of coffee. Nice and easy. I like him.

I am Taub's LifeSavers.

I come in a roll of a bunch of different fruit flavors. He likes me because he doesn't know which one he'll get next, it's a little surprise every day. When Taub goes to help in the clinic, he takes my mint version along with him so that he doesn't have to worry about bad breath.

Oh and for those that need confirmation that this is a reference to something:

I AM JACK'S MEDULLA OBLONGATA.


End file.
